Friend or Foe

June 12, 2013

What makes someone a good friend?

What qualities does it take?

 

Hmmm, I am willing to bet these are questions everyone has asked themselves at least once in life. I have come up with a number of answers. For Starters a good friend should understand you and accept you for who you are and not what you should be – according to them. A good friend should be able to keep your secrets and never divulge them to a third person under any circumstances – except when it’s for your own good. A good friend should give you an honest opinion – not a diplomatic opinion – when asked. He/she should be critical of you when criticism is warranted. They should bring you back to earth if you are floating in your own delusional world. They should not be bothered about offering blunt advice if that’s what is needed.

Along side of those few things a good friend would be someone…

who expects no favors back from you and does not value your worth based on favors returned.

who would be a selfless person who values your friendship more than material gains that can be had through his/her association with you.

would be someone who stands by you through thick and thin and supports you in your most difficult and darkest hours.

would never leave your side when you need them the most.

that doesn’t judge you for your shortcomings; instead, offers suggestions and advice to help you overcome those weak points.

whom you can count on when the rest of your family and supposed friends walk out on you.

who believes in you and supports you when all the rest think you are a goner and desert you.

Obviously, if you find someone who carries all of these qualities. Hold on to them, don’t be stupid. They are a rare breed and you’d do well to appreciate their worth and keep them.

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Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

February 8, 2011

Mr. X and I think through the small time I have been blogging my new and old friends have learned about him.  While I would love to go on and on about how horrible of a man he is, I won’t. Not because I have had a change of heart but because as I have said before the anger is not healthy and no matter what I say here it will not change the past. Also in the end I am 100x stronger and a better daughter, sister, lover and friend. You see even in evil and in hell you can still find the good and shine through.

Lastly anyone ever being abused mentally or physically need to speak up. You are not alone and people do love you.


Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

February 8, 2011

Sometimes I refer to him as T on here. Well that T stands for Tyler. My nephew, hero, prince and superhero all rolled into one.  I should probably start at the beginning.

I was taking a bubble bath on a Sunday morning in early 2000. Normally I was not up this early in high school but I delivered newspapers. I don’t actually think it was my paper route anymore but I was maybe helping my sister KT. Either way what happen next is what matters. My older sister A came banging on the door. She comes in somewhat calm somewhat hysterical waving a piece of white paper no larger than a RX sheet.  She threw it at me and well me being in a bath and clumsy it landed in the bath and I couldn’t read it. I asked her what it had said she said she went to planned parenthood and was pregnant. First my mind went blank and then it gathered everything up and was wow… you’re in High School, who is the father, omg mom and dad. I was calm though told her she should go talk to mom first and then approach it together with dad. She did. My parents being amazing parents were great about it and 9 months later my angel was born.

Now he is 10 years old and I am bordering on old but he is still my Ty Ty. The last 10 years he has been my best friend. He thought me how it is to love unconditionally and how to be a child again. He taught me what was worth living for and what was not. I now have 5 nephews but Tyler I think will always be my favorite shhhh… don’t tell. I would  go to the ends of the earth for any of them but Tyler is my angel, my super hero, my best friend.


Sexy Pictures…

January 30, 2011

I had a friend recently who was semi seeing a guy. Wondering what I mean by semi seeing a guy? I mean they would text 24/7 (usually initiated by him,) go see movies, flirt (once again initiated by him,) and well hook up (no sex was ever involved but it definitely was not G-rated by any means.)

First I should probably explain how she was always very clear she would not be a booty call. Which is the type of relationship this guy said he normally has. He did give the full disclosure that he never had a real relationship before. Now that is fine but I cant help but feel like in this relationship it was understood that this would not be the case. The guy even played the good guy and said he was OK with that and appreciated that she would never be a girl like that and respected herself enough not to do those types of things. Now fast forward about 2 months into this semi seeing each other state and one night they are messaging as they always do. The snow was pretty bad so he couldn’t make it over to hang out this night. She receives the following message.

Sexy Pic Guy: Well i didnt think u would have mind getting some from me u do send me sexy pics lol

Now I am torn is this something you get upset about or is this just something to brush off your shoulder.

Friend replies: Huh?

SPG: Sorry a friend sent me that she sent it 2 the wrong person

Friend: Suuurrreee and you sent it to me? Odd gonna call bullshit on that.

SPG: I was sending it back 2 her

Friend: and with that saying goodnight.

SPG: im serious

Friend: So am I.

SPG: her name is ****** 2 shes having trouble wit her BF

SPG: she was talking 2 me as she was talking 2 him

Friend: Yep ok. Goodnight.

SPG: im serious but u dont believe me ok then have a goodnight.

This is the end of that evening’s conversation. The next day she never writes him and he briefly writes her almost as if nothing is wrong. Then next day she is at work and carries on a meaningless conversation on Facebook with SPG. After she finishes talking with him, I guess she felt she had to get somethings off her chest because this story was not sitting well with her. She told him she didn’t believe what he had said and that it made her sort of disgusted that he was doing the same things with another girl especially after he knew how she felt and how he told her that he wouldn’t make her a piece of meat. She pointed out the flaws in his story mainly being that this random text from a friend was wrote exactly has he expresses himself and that he has said almost the same statement to her before. As well as the fact that the BF/GF story doesn’t make sense. I have never been in a relationship where troubles led to me defending sending naughty pictures. Last time I checked the pictures helped the troubles. She does throw her heart out there a little by telling him she liked him more than she should have but ultimately it was her telling him the jig was up she was done with him and wanted him to know that she was hurt. I can understand that who doesn’t want to let the person know that hurt them that they are a piece of garbage.

His reply to all of this was: i told you what happened and im not gonna argue about it. believe then ok. if you dont then fine. fine dont believe me but dont be throwing it in my face im not gonna argue over it.

My friend is dramatic fashion replied thanking him for reassuring her that good guys don’t exist and then wishes him luck.

I have to admit I do side with my friend. Just from the brief pieces I have seen here it is obvious it was the same person writing them. But for the sack of argument was she jumping the gun or was she completely right for how she reacted. I have to say I think Sexy Picture Guy is going to be a loser forever and well just a picture guy. I hope that is cool for him.

Lucky for me I know there is good guys out there mind you they are in disguise and hard to find but they do exist.


Fear and Love

October 10, 2010

I think this is pretty much true. When it comes to my relationship with V I was terrified of loving him or even giving him a chance. I had so many fear that I thought would never go away and each moment that I like/loved him more the fear was still around I am lucky because somewhere along the line with out realizing I gave in and gave my heart to him. I love him with every ounce of my being and I know he loves me just the same. We say we saved each other he tells me I am his angel and I know he is my prince charming.

I am not even sure what I am trying to say was just having one of those lovely letting him in was the best decision of my life moments and wanted to share.. Love is far the most amazing feeling in the world and it is worth the fear but it definitely beats it.


Sister Wives & Polygamy

October 4, 2010

I have an obsession with polygamy. I will admit it. I am not sure where it started but either way I am riveted by all things related to the concept. So, it was only natural that I would be elated when I found out about the TLC reality series – Sister Wives!! I have to say I have been let down. I was all like, hey man – where is all the sex? Where are the crazy people from the compound? Why are these wives kinda frumpy?

Kody has been a polygamist his entire adult life, and while it’s not legal in Utah where he lives (or anywhere else in the U.S. or Canada), he was born into the culture, inculcated by his polygamist father and the Mormon community in which he was raised. And so, 20 years ago, Kody married Meri, and then Janelle a few years after that and then Christine a few years after that.

Like most fundamental church-based beliefs, polygamy is a man’s world and it’s clear from Sister Wives that what’s in it for Kody, who is a charming, youthful man with much energy and rock star hair, is that life is a smorgasbord of interesting if compliant women, with Kody as some kind of working-class American gigolo representing the main course. He earnestly tells viewers in the first episode that he’s doing the show because he wants to “come out of the closet” and stop hiding his lifestyle from the world, and then goes on to walk us through his life, through his home’s three separate apartments, with their separate kitchens and bedrooms, and he chats about keeping a calendar to chart his rotating conjugal services and admits he often gets confused about what door he’s walking through, joking that “I don’t have my own space.”

The show is at once compelling and unsettling, partly because for Kody and his wives, and their 12 (soon to be 13) children, life does seem rather normal. They kiss and hug and fight and bicker. They complain about chores and go to the mall and worry about the future. The kids seem bright and content, and it’s clear from the first episode that theirs is a loving home but, I still wonder what really is going on behind closed doors.

Sister Wives is the real-life version of the HBO hit Big Love, a scripted tale of a man with several wives. Sister Wives is many things, but mostly it’s fascinating, and a surprising eye-opener for those who have opinions, if not knowledge, about the troubling issues around polygamy.

If Kody seems the big winner in the lifestyle, his wives will tell you they are no less happy with the arrangement. Meri and Christine were raised in polygamist families, while Janelle, though a Mormon, was not. They are smart and articulate, offering no apologies about why they willingly, as young adult women, chose to be sister wives. Plural marriage works for them, they say, and if they seem at times like some kind of Stepford version of a polygamy ad campaign, all pretty and polished, there is a twisted logic listening to them talk about their upbringing, about their roles (Christine is the stay-at-home mom while Meri and Janelle work outside the home, as does advertising salesman Kody), about who has sex with Kody (all of them, but not together because “we don’t do weird”), about jealousy and child-rearing and fears and finances and what they know is criticism in wider society.

It is only minutes into Sister Wives, the new TLC reality show about a polygamist family, when you figure out what’s in it for Kody Brown.

Kody has been a polygamist his entire adult life, and while it’s not legal in Utah where he lives (or anywhere else in the U.S. or Canada), he was born into the culture, inculcated by his polygamist father and the Mormon community in which he was raised. And so, 20 years ago, Kody married Meri, and then Janelle a few years after that and then Christine a few years after that.

Like most fundamental church-based beliefs, polygamy is a man’s world and it’s clear from the Sunday night premiere of the seven-part Sister Wives that what’s in it for Kody, who is a charming, youthful man with much energy and rock star hair, is that life is a smorgasbord of interesting if compliant women, with Kody as some kind of working-class American gigolo representing the main course. He earnestly tells viewers in the first episode that he’s doing the show because he wants to “come out of the closet” and stop hiding his lifestyle from the world, and then goes on to walk us through his life, through his home’s three separate apartments, with their separate kitchens and bedrooms, and he chats about keeping a calendar to chart his rotating conjugal services and admits he often gets confused about what door he’s walking through, joking that “I don’t have my own space.”

The show is at once compelling and unsettling, partly because for Kody and his wives, and their 12 (soon to be 13) children, life does seem rather normal. They kiss and hug and fight and bicker. They complain about chores and go to the mall and worry about the future. The kids seem bright and content, and it’s clear from the first episode that theirs is a loving home.

Sister Wives is the real-life version of the HBO hit Big Love, a scripted tale of a man with several wives. Sister Wives is many things, but mostly it’s fascinating, and a surprising eye-opener for those who have opinions, if not knowledge, about the troubling issues around polygamy.

If Kody seems the big winner in the lifestyle, his wives will tell you they are no less happy with the arrangement. Meri and Christine were raised in polygamist families, while Janelle, though a Mormon, was not. They are smart and articulate, offering no apologies about why they willingly, as young adult women, chose to be sister wives. Plural marriage works for them, they say, and if they seem at times like some kind of Stepford version of a polygamy ad campaign, all pretty and polished, there is a twisted logic listening to them talk about their upbringing, about their roles (Christine is the stay-at-home mom while Meri and Janelle work outside the home, as does advertising salesman Kody), about who has sex with Kody (all of them, but not together because “we don’t do weird”), about jealousy and child-rearing and fears and finances and what they know is criticism in wider society.

Turns out, in real life, polygamy isn’t so exciting……a couple of dowdy chicks married to some  mediocre dude.


12 Types of women…

October 3, 2010

I want you to know that in general I try to be very open-minded about all topics surrounding relationships and dating. It’s mostly because I think the whole category is such a complete and total crap shoot that any opinions slash theories are just as valid as any others. Also (mostly) there’s the pot/kettle issue.

But every once in awhile I come across something that is just asking for ridicule.

MarieClaire.com’s recent 12 Types of Women article is just that thing.

It’s not the idea of it that’s the issue. I actually do think there are types of women just like there are types of men.  My issue with this article is the categories themselves. Is this really it? Can’t you be many of these things at one time? Is the idea that these are 12 common phases women experience in the process of seeking a partner? If so why is it oh-so-generally titled the 12 Types of Women…

Here’s my recap and retort:

The Soul-Mate Seeker: Someone who is doing everything she can to find The One.

  • This first one is pretty valid. There are women out there who are in hot pursuit of the last man they’ll ever date, but there are also women out there who go through phases of that chase. One month they want “the one” – the next they want to play the field.

The Phoenix: A woman who recently had a painful breakup and is doing everything she can to rise from the ashes in better shape.

  • Again, I’ve know that woman, but what about the woman who recently had a breakup and is doing everything she can to consume the whole of Dairy Queen’s, supply while drinking vodka/vodka’s to re-runs of Felicity?

The Organic: She prefers to leave things up to destiny and live her own life rather than hunting for men in any methodical or calculated way.

  • Yes, and amen, but I have a theory that absolutely no one fully ascribes to this theory. In a lot of ways I’ve always been The Organic, but in a lot of other ways I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of hours pursuing people I thought “destiny” may have overlooked.

The Princess-in-Waiting: She is waiting to be rescued by a prince (who sure is taking his royal time).

  • My problem with this may be that I’m not a huge fan of this type, but it’s also that this means we have overlap between The Organic and The Princess. Don’t they both believe time and fate should take it course? It is that one is entitled and the other is disengaged?

The Late Bloomer: The rest of her life is on hold while she waits for her future husband to appear.

  • Wait, then how is the Late Bloomer different from the Princess? Is it that she’s waiting for him to come but doesn’t need him to rescue her once he gets there? And what exactly does, “the rest of her life is on hold” mean? Is it that her singular focusing is finding a man, or rather that man finding her? Because if so, whoa. But if you’re going to put your entire life on hold wouldn’t you maybe want to put in a little more effort toward the goal than just waiting for it to happen?

The Free Spirit: She worries that she can only have one or the other — her independence or a committed relationship. (And she thinks the former is better.)

  • I have no issues with this, prrroobbaabblyy because I’ve been this for the majority of my dating life.

The Wedding Wisher: She suddenly finds herself fantasizing about marriage after a lifetime of not caring about it.

  • Yes, okay, fine, but then which other category is she when it comes to actually finding that man? Is this a Chinese menu of categories? Can one be the Wedding Wisher and The Princess-in-Waiting (seems logical), and what happens when we run into a philosophical inconsistency like A Wedding Wisher and a Free Spirit?

The Town Rebel: She no longer aspires to live the cookie-cutter lifestyle of everyone else in her community, though she once used to.

  • I like the idea of this one but it doesn’t seem to follow suit with the others and, again, seems to require the pairing of a how-you-feel-about-finding-a-man type to make it complete, no?

The Ritual Re-inventor: A woman who wants to get hitched but also feels very strongly about having an unconventional marriage (right down to the wedding ceremony).

  • Are we really reserving an entire category of woman for people who don’t want banquet hall weddings?

The Someday-Mom: She would like to have babies someday, but wishes she didn’t feel so much biological pressure to figure it out fast.

  • So, The Every Single Woman. Again – this isn’t a category, it’s a sub-type. You can in one phase of life be a The Phoenix and later end of the Someday-Mom.

The Slow & Steady: A woman who hopes to marry when the time is right. Meanwhile, she does her best not to cave to the massive pressure she feels from friends, family, and society.

  • So, The Sensible. And again, again – aren’t most of us this woman at some point in our lives? I mean, what’s the opposite of “doing your best not to cave to the pressure”? – having a nervous breakdown and booking an arranged marriage? This just feels like a given, and therefore not a category.

The Trailblazer: A woman who knows married life is not for her, so she’s trying to break a new kind of path to happiness.

  • Yes. Finally. This may actually be a category of woman. Though I’m not quite sure how you could 100% know married life isn’t for you without experiencing something very close to it, but the idea that a woman has this distinct perspective is possible and does separate her – category-wise – from other types of relationship-oriented women.

I know it’s just an idea – just one author’s assessment after a look at the female landscape, but I do feel that articles like this make us think we have to be one (or more) of the 12 and that, if we are that makes it okay “Oh, well I’m a Princess-in-Waiting so I really can’t do online dating because it goes against my type.”

Like I said – I think there are categories of women relative to their maturity levels – just like the boys/guys/men progression – and some of these 12 fit into that TBD set. But for me personally, this list is a little too limiting and a lot too simple.

Making me the obviously missing 13th woman – The Complicator.


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