48 ounces of beer and 7ish minutes to drink, what do you do? Chug of course. As I was half way through the second beer I released this was probably not a great idea because I could feel the pee coming on. I also knew I did not have time to stop at the restroom because I was already running to make the final boarding call. That would only leave the scary airplane bathroom. For the first few moments of the flight I felt like I had defeated my bladder. I had won the battle then it hit me this is a six-hour flight and the feeling would come. Sure enough somewhere over Michigan I got the feeling. Maybe it was the screaming baby that brought it on or maybe it was all the talk of wine and mixed beverages on the plane. Or I just thought to much about my fear of airplane bathrooms. Whatever it was it was not good because how could I face the scary plane restroom. I now am sitting here somewhere over the midwest trying to get over my fear and just go to the restroom. I have to wonder where did this fear start and is it rational and more importantly will I survive.
I know in my rational mind I will not get sucked out the toilet. Or will I? No probably not. I don’t think I will get stuck and not be able to get out and have to have the jaws of life come get me. I mean I am chubby but not that chubby. Maybe the airplane will crash and I will die with my panties around my ankles. No the odds of that happening is slim to none. So what gives what is it…
Airplanes are the only place that I have stage fright or anxiety over what people will think. I have to dress a certain way pack the certain carry on materials all to make sure I have the right look for the airport and flight. I think this is pathetic I should just get over my fear and pee but alas I am still sitting here now bitched about the fully reclined douche bag in front of me and no closer to getting up to use the restroom. The cramping as begun. I really just should just go.
Oh and incase you did not know I am on my way to San Francisco. I am thinking liquid courage.
(As most of you know I went to San Francisco last month. I am a little delayed on posts.)
I did not resort to liquid courage. I felt this might but make everything worse and make me have to use the tank of terror more than once. I finally just sucked it up and went. I peed no problem but then it came to flushing the toilet and well that turns out to be the fear I shut the lid and stood on the toilet. Yes I stood on the toilet seat when I flushed it. Just in case it wanted to fly open and suck me in. I washed my hands and headed back to my seat. I hated walking through the aisle and asking the nice guy in the aisle seat to let me through to my seat. Over all I survived but will not be doing it again anytime soon.
I would like to point out I did not move on the flight home.