#Reverb10 Part VI

December 20 – Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too sacred, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing?

I have always been a little to scared to speak up about my own wants and dreams. Some as simple as a vacation other as complex as career goals. While I have gotten better I am still not completely rid of these issues. I am hoping this year I get rid of that fear and move on to make myself complete and stop worrying about what other people think or feel.

December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead?

Dear Sarah,

I know things have not always been easy. You have had ups and downs. You may or may not have reached all your goals but it is OK. Everything happens for a reason and someday you will see. I am glad to see that you are still smiling and taking things in stride. Keep trying your best and you will be ok. Btw I love the shoes.

Love Sarah

December 22 – Travel How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?

In 2011 I am planning a few different trips. I am planning a lovely personal tropical vacation and going to get back to exploring things I have been to busy for in 2010.

December 23 – New Name Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?

Hi my name is Sarah. I spent most of my young life wishing I was someone else, someone different. Not anymore I am me.

December 24 Prompt – Everything’s OK What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

I have always lived life with the idea that everything will be OK. I don’t have an exact moment but more a series of them and then just realizing I am going to be OK.  I had been suffering a lot. It was a time of great mental turmoil. If you know me I was hurt greatly a lot of it was my own doing. Yes I do blame myself for what happen not because I was the person that hit myself, cheated on myself, lied to myself but because I knew it was never going to get better and I knew it was wrong and I stayed. Sometimes the pain is so good. Well back to the question. Somewhere along the line the wounds healed I realized I was and am stronger than he could ever beat me down. I learned I had to let the past be the past and not try to help, not try to change it because I am not god. I think the biggest proof is me standing up to him in court. Me being in the court room head to head with Mr. Ex. In the criminal and civil arena. I won. The world knows now first he is a monster and while I tried to help and pray he does seek help someday it isn’t my problem and it is all going to be OK. The world knows he is crooked that he is just out to use someone for a buck. Amusement fills my head now. Fumbling papers, shuddering as I just stand there knowing I have everything perfectly explained in my folder. I was afraid that day and in the hallway a sheriff told me. “It will be OK, go in there and tell them what you have to say. Beat him at his own game.” I did. I wasn’t there for the money. The money was lost a long time ago. I was there to defend myself against a predator. When I stood tall in there and said all the horrible things I felt better. Maybe it was only to a room of stranger but I was stronger than him and I knew everything would be ok. In the future I know everything will be OK and no one can break me. I will never Scarface myself my happiness for anyone.

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