I understand mental illness. I understand that you have underlying problems. I know you are ashamed and that you refuse help. I know you drink to mask emotions while really just making them worse.
I have days when I believe it was not you that hurt me but some monster within. I want to forgive you. Other days I believe it was you who had control over the pain you inflicting on me. But, at the end of the day to put it simply for my soul for my heart I need to forgive you and believe it was out of your control.
Someday hopefully I can.